Mommy’s Escape 6.0

{July 22, 2009}   Crack open a window would ya?

Well remember when I was hearing sounds in my house and it turned out to be the  Captain  trying to teleport but got trapped in the walls? I thought he was at it again but instead sent over his garbage because when I woke up it just smelled awful in my kitchen!

I mean it smelled humid, rancid, just all around yuck!

Usually I prefer the smell of coffee ya know?

Well any who – I found out that there was no mysterious garbage from Canada in my kitchen – it was my refrigerator. I was all WTF?!?

So I opened the door and noticed that it was not cooling properly. Yeap – a down refrigerator!  The worst that could happen to a family of children that live on milk and milk products…

I touched the gallons of milk first and those were still cold. (I smelled them just to be safe)

But I had no idea where the smell was coming from until I bent down to the next shelf and there it was – last night’s dinner left overs – fried fish and home made potato salad. BLECH!!! That stunk so bad.

It still did not answer for the not-perfectly-cold-to-keep-everything-from-spoiling temperature in the fridge so I did the next smart thing and looked in the freezer.

There it was – that thing that was causing the refrigerator not to cool and make my kitchen smell like an abandoned fish market in the middle of a Florida summer.


Yeap! Ice and frost covered the entire back wall of the freezer.

I had a mind to go all Sharon Stone Basic Instinct on it’s not-freezing ass but I couldn’t. I had children screaming and crying and whining “Mommy!! Mommy!!” and a dog barking “I need to pee! I need to poop!! Get me outta here” (I know – this is one smart Lab, he can really talk!!)

So I did the next thing…..

I woke up my husband.

Boy was he happy to get outta bed.

So I presented him the options:

1) Handle the frozen freezer and attempt to defrost it before the milk spoils and the yogurt goes bad (if the yogurt and pudding go bad in my home – let’s just say that the zombies of Resident Evil are much tamer than Angel Eyes)

2) Handle the kids & the dogs in their morning routine

Guess which one he chose……


Option #1 – such a chicken shit I swear!!!


Well I let him at it to try and unfreeze the freezer so I prepared the bottles, got the diapers, you know the drill.

Popped a bottle in Baby Boys’, Angel Eye’s, and Sneaky Monkey’s mouths and proceeded to the dog…..

yeah, that was another mess on it’s own

I guess mommy didn’t hear him well enough barking “I need to pee!!” and he did it in his crate – poor puppy I know right?

How about poor mommy who had to get on her hands and knees to clean out the crate, wash out all the chew toys all while holding the monster dog in an attempt to stop him from chewing on the stuffed animals that Princess has strategically placed on the floor at doggy-mouth reach.

As I walked passed my husband to throw out the Lysol wipes and walk the dog outside – I looked at him and smiled….

Ahhh, what a glorious morning eh?

Just so you know, the freezer was cleared out and defrosted with a handy Conair blowdryer and now we are just making sure the door stays shut so it starts to cool correctly again – keep your fingers crossed that this resolves the problem or else you will not see me around anymore because the zombies monsters evil things children and husband will have attacked me upon my return home.


{July 21, 2009}   Just Random I say! Random!!

It is Tuesday yet again and I am going to spout off what is running circles in my head today and see if maybe it can clear me out – there is too much going on up there. I swear, it is so busy up there that you could possibly hold the next Olympics because of all the track and field events, and swimming, and basketball my thoughts are doing.  Seriously, here…take a look…


* Why is it that when I tell LM to change his clothes he runs to his room and comes out wearing a new shirt and shorts definitely but they are his 4 year old brothers clothes? Does he not get it that if it takes him a while to fit his big ol head through the neck that the clothes is a bit snug?

* Why is it that when you are angry at your husband for doing something, he finds a way to be kind to you and you forget what it is that got you so angry?

*And then the next morning when things are going well he finds a way to mess it all up again?

*How is it possible for my children to walk all day on their tip-toes and yet it kills me to wear heels for just a few hours?

* How long do you think it would take for Sneaky Monkey to realize that screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” repeatedly does not give me enough time to say “what?”

* Honestly, who came up with the cartoons like El Tigre or Ms. Beeor any other rendition of moronic intellect and think that it is healthy for children to watch?

* When does school start again?

* When will it be possible to actually sit down and finish reading The Secret? I mean I need to know how this law of attraction works already…mama needs some change to happen!

* Why is it that when we are the most tired and exhausted is the time that the kids want to play, scream, and just gobble up all of your attention?

* How is it possible that Angel Eyes does not get cold when he constantly takes his shirt off in a house that is 73 degrees? I mean I need a blanket when it is 75 degrees in the living room!!

* How can a baby smile so cutely that it can melt your heart and just want you to hold her all day and forget about all the worries and the stresses and the problems on your plate?

* How can Baby Boy be growing up so fast that just yesterday he started to say “spoo” (spoon) when he helped me unload the dishwasher and the ran away with it – awed at how shiny it was.

* How can a dishwasher get the dishes so clean with just a few squirts of hot water and me with all my scrubbing and grinding can’t get them half as clean?

* Was watching Cathouse lastnight on HBO – yeah, I watch that, so what – and all I could wonder was how the hell can they walk in those heels? (see reference above to my problem with heels)

* How long will it take for me to realize that there is no such thing as meditation in my house? Everytime I try to open the door to my Secret Garden a child or husband walks in asking for my assistance.

Well, I won’t bore you any longer with the insanity that is my brain and my thoughts. Go and check out others who are participating in Random Tuesday Thoughts – check it out here at Keely’s Blog!!

{July 20, 2009}   So how was your weekend?

Well, this was an interesting weekend!!!

If you count my bed nearly breaking and my potted palm in the front of the house falling over with the wonderful storms that we had interesting than yeah it was interesting!!!

You see, there were these nasty storms going on that it seemed like at any minute I would be seeing a little girl and her dog in red slippers flying by my window. Honestly it was that scary windy out there!! It also didn’t help that my mother in law – who lives let’s say – 2 blocks away – kept calling every 5 minutes asking how bad was the weather at our house and that the trees at her house were coming out of the ground.


Come on – she lives literally 2 minutes away!!! If she wanted to know how bad the weather at my house was she could just, ummmm, look out her window? LOL!!!! I can’t get mad at her though because she took Princess off of our hands on Sunday and that gave us a calming day with Little Man.

Have you ever noticed that when one child is out of the picture for the day with a grandparent, friend, etc. the others behave like Little Angels? There are no refunds on the ones causing the havoc huh? No? Thought so….ugh!!!! (Seriously – Little Man was so well behaved that I thought he was possessed by a good little child and my terror was buried under the house or something)

Sorry about that tangent – but yeah, the weather sucked, but that is what you get for living in the sunshine state right?

As far as my bed, well, let’s just say that we weren’t  folding clothes on the bed and all of a sudden we hear THUMP! and feel the bed drop about 2 inches. We didn’t stop folding clothes of course because that would just have been way too silly but when we were done folding, we were all, WTF happened to the bed?!?!

Mind you this is our 2nd bed that has broken – we had one about 8 years ago and that one broke while I was laying in it with Princess who was all of 7 days old then. We got rid of that one after a certain furniture company said that there was nothing they could do about it and it was still under warranty – yeah, I didn’t pay that bill. So finally last year we decided to buy a new bed – since sleeping on a box spring and mattress on the floor was not so ergonomically reasonable.

We went all romantic and got a modern four post bed with rails and all…you know the kind that you can hang white fabric from and be all tropical-island-getaway-like? Yeah – we even got these pretty applique’s to go on the wall that say “ALWAYS KISS ME GOODNIGHT” the best!!!

But with the THUMP and all, we were contemplating a new bed or our old arrangement of mattress and boxspring on the floor motif…that is safer than risking another THUMP or possibly CRASH when folding. right? Yeah, that is what the smart people say…..but we risked it anyway and heard a new THUMP when folding again….when are we going to learn?

Oh, and add onto it the fact that I had to give Steve a bath which is not easy because that little yapping rat is super slippery….I can say it was a very eventless weekend.

Lets see how next weekend goes – we are scheduled to paint Princess/ Little Man/ & Baby Boy’s room….this oughta be fun!!!

{July 17, 2009}   From the mouth of Babes

Today my hubs called me from the car to tell me that when he threw the wrapper of the straw out the window Little Man had this to say”

Daddy! You are not cleaning the earth! You are not recycling! You are damaging the earth!

My husband’s response:

Who teaches these kids huh?

{July 16, 2009}   Spin Cycle: Routines

Can you believe it? Two participant posts in one week!!! First it was Random Tuesday and now The Spin Cycle! I am so awesome!!!

Well, Jen decided that she was curious to find out what it is that makes our lives revolve so awesomely (is that even a word?!?!) and organized. Yes, she wanted to know about our routines…isn’t she clever for trying to figure out how we manage all the insanities of our lives?

Well, all I can say is that in my house – everything is a routine but does not necessarily mean that they are effective.

My favorite routine though would have to be the newly acquired one of bathing the children. Yeap! Six kids equals lots and lots of water and high water bills. (Last month it was at $243!!!! But in my defense, the washer machine was broken)

We have decided (and by we  I mean me because my husband does not enjoy bath time duty….read on, you’ll know why) that in an effort to save time and water (I don’t know if the latter is true) I group them up  like this:

Sneaky Monkey and Angel Eyes first
* I battle with Sneaky Monkey to get the water on his head
* Angel Eyes flaps his hands like he is attempting to take flight as I wash him
* Try to gain my composure as Sneaky Monkey grabs his junk, pulls it as far as he can and screams “volcano!”
* Attempt to convince Sneaky Monkey that it is time to clean the volcano (he’s not circumcised, too expensive when he was born, sorry! I’ll tell him he was lucky that his older brothers had infections and theirs had to be trimmed – you think that he will understand that?)
* Scrub boys down with shampoo and conditioner
* Fight for control of the shower head hose from Angel Eyes
* Rinse them off and dry them
* Proceed to chase them around the house to get their diapers and clothes on
* Walk away from Angel Eyes as he continues to remove his shirt. He’s a lost cause on this – I give up at just putting it on the first time. If he’s cold, he’s on his own.

Next in line is Baby Boy – this boy hates the water!!!!! I mean hates it like Sacha Baron Cohen hates making movies that actually make sense and have a plot. I honestly have to get in the bath tub because he will climb on me, scream, bite, and shake – he kinda reminds me of Steve when I give him a bath (note to self: Steve needs a bath, he is starting to smell!) Needless to say I come out as if I took a shower with him with all my clothes. Funny though, after the whole wrestling match and count out and jumping around the tub claiming my glory – he looks up at me and says (with tears in his eyes) “Okay?!?” and when I say okay back, he smiles and claps and says “did it”

Next comes Little Man – this boy does not mind the water, just hates the soap. Literally! I have to coax him into getting in the bathtub. The routine goes like this:

Me: Little Man, you stink – go take a shower

LM: Okay, but no soap okay?

Me: Yes soap, you stink and your skin will come off if you don’t

LM: My skin?!?! NOOOOO!!!! But no soap okay?

Me: Yes soap – on your body – you smell!!

LM: Okay but only to here (points to his neck) not on my hair and face

Me: Fine but your head is going to grow trees if you don’t wash it

LM: Okay, soap to here (again pointing to his neck) and that’s it

Then I proceed to let him wash “to here” and then when it nears the end, grab the hose and scrub his head while he screams and fights and cries. (I know, I am so horrible but if you knew how smelly he gets after a few days of not washing his hair, you would fight too – sensory issues suck – I’m just sayin)

Now, if only I can get him to wear underwear and stop going commando we’d be in business.

Then of course is the Princess. I just have to tell her to go take a shower and we are all good. The only challenge – making sure she washes out all the shampoo. If she doesn’t, I place her back into the tub, get the hose and scrub her head until it is clear of bubbles. The rest, she takes care of on her own.

But of course, last but not least, Tiny Dancer. I typically shower with her because I hate those stupid baby tubs – they always spill every where. She laughs at the shower water and giggles while I try and make sure she doesn’t slip out of my arms (babies need to come with some grip pads or somethin’). I dry her off, lather her with baby lotion and dress her up in her cutie onesies and we’re good to go!

So there you have it – the bath time routine that causes me to need this escape because this on a daily basis is not easy – especially if you count in the times that I have to do interim washes because of rambunctious peniis or pudding laced diapers.

So what is your routine? Let us know what it is that you do to keep your life going? Join in on the Spin Cycle!

(Note to Shangrila – I just had to use that reference! It is the best explanation of “accidents” that I can remember – you are the best!!)

(Note to readers: if you don’t know who Shangrilais – you have to check her out at My Bella Figlia – she is all kinds of awesome!)



Okay dudes  and dudettes – I am back at this for a long time since posting random thoughts for a while now….

* My dog is a chicken shit… he will cower from anybody that comes near him but yet will bark at the shadows when I walk him at night. I swear! Steve is a better guard dog than my Lab.

* I purchased “the Secret” to see if it helps me get a better outlook on life and make the Law of Attraction work for me. Maybe it can get the law of attraction to get me to pick it up because I left it in the shelf in my room.

* My hubs spoiled me rotten on his birthday. He got me clothes and jewelry. Needless to say I didn’t need to use the saran wrap as his present. It would have looked better than my Jesse James is a Dead Man tee that I wore to bed though.

* One of the items that he bought me is this really cute glass ring. I have a question though – if I shake someones hand firmly – is it possible for it to break? Now that would be messy wouldn’t it?

* I bought Tiny Dancer a Raggedy Anne doll. When I handed it to her she SQUEEEEED with delight then proceeded to stick the dolls head in her mouth. The look on her face when she tasted that yarn, PRICELESS!

* My hubs bought the kids a percussion band kit fully loaded with maracas, tambourines, cymbals, rubbing sticks (un guiro in spanish).

* He is regretting it right now.

* The dog is wishing he never bought the damn toy either

* I think I damaged my foot on Saturday.

* How did I do that?

* We bought a new desk for the kids’s computer. I went to be all strong and all and attempted to move the box so I can start building it and dropped it on my right foot. It is now black and blue and hurts like hell.

* This is not how I think I damaged it

* I think I made it worse by wearing 5″ wedge heels yesterday out to dinner with my hubs for his birthday

* I also walked one if not the largest mall in south Florida in said heels

* I looked cute so I didn’t think anything of it

* Now I am thinking of it – every time I take a step and wince in pain

Now go and check out Keely and all the other random posters. You will get a kick out of it – trust me!

{July 10, 2009}   Thank God it is Friday!!!

All I have to say is that it has been one hell of a week.

Don’t get me wrong, I am glad that I have a job but getting back into the swing of things after about a month off is not easy.

Now though, instead of the alarm waking me up at 6:00am, it is our Labrador Bolt. (Did I tell you all that we did actually get the Lab? Yeah we got him 1 week before we had to surrender Bella and to tell you the truth, he is the only person in the house that listens to me! More on that later.) So yeah, no more sleeping in because the whines and whimpers of an onyx black 14 week old Lab wakes me up so he can go do his business.

This of course is followed by makeing bottles and changing diapers while my hubs takes a shower to wake up. That man cannot wake up without a shower. If he does, he is useless for the rest of the day. Anywho – the mornings are crazy as usual and the kids are more bored now than they have ever been. The rain sucks, the moquitos REALLY suck, and the fact that I am working again – they hate it!

Well, as the week has gone by it has been questions of does Little Man have an appendicitis (as my earlier post reports). The munchkin was screaming in pain for 4 days straight with low-grade fevers. I took him to the pediatrician – she felt his tummy – he giggled – picture perfect moment. But could you really capture a giggle in a picture? I think that would most likely be a camcorder moment right?….oh yeah, where was I?…..Oh….she felt his tummy and he was just clogged up. So we return home and a few hours and some Karo corn syrup later he was no longer clogged and we were fighting to contain it! LOL Sounds gross but when you live my life, poop is a highlight sometimes. Oh the other question was if Princess fractured her hand? Nope…Thank God!!! But the girl milked the bump pain for all it is worth. Sneaky Monkey kept kissing her hand and Baby Boy kept saying “Okay?” when he saw her wince in pain. I swear, these kids are either going to biuld me up or destroy me or heck, maybe even both! LOL

ooohooohh before I forget!!!…I wanted to let y’all know that Angel Eyes got accepted into the private school!!! It is one for kids with special needs and the whole school only has get it ……about 10 kids!!!! And the student teacher ratio is 1:1!!! This is going to be awesome, now if only I can figure out how to pay for it! I have a scholarship for about 3/4 of the $17,000 annual tuition – now the rest….hmmm….and Captain, no more Weeds references. I need to do this the right way because I actually have to volunteer at school social events. (Isn’t it funny how they say volunteer but actually it is mandatory? Just like the Catholic Church and stipends….they are “fixed” amount donations….um, if it is a fixed amount it is not a “donation” it is a fee!!…Okay another tangent, I’ll try and stop now)

My boss is now in Israel and I am left to fend for myself and the insanity of the real estate marketplace in South Florida. You should see how insane this is. Houses that were once in the millions are now in the hundred-thousands. It is insane!!! Oh and the Associations are worse than ever. I had a file that was scheduled to close today – guess what – the association denied it – the dude was paying cash!!!! They denied it because he did not have a job since he was relocating to Florida. Get this though – he was paying 6 months worth of dues in advance and was paying the rest upon moving in so he would be paid for a year!!! The dude had the money but whatever… and I found out this is the 2nd applicant the association denied for that unit being sold. You would think that the Associations need the money from the dues and the banks aren’t really paying them on foreclosed properties – the best thing would be to allow people to actually buy it! Ugh!!!

And don’t get me started on the association where I live. Yeah, I live in a Condo Association – the window in Little Man/ Princess/ Baby Boy/ Bolt’s room has been leaking due to a crack on the outside of the  house. We have reported this since Little Man was a baby when my MIL bought the place. Little man is 6 y ears old now and this week was when they repaired it. When I moved the bunk bed so they can access it – I saw how bad the damage had got – the wall was falling apart and the NEW laminate flooring we put it (remember, I am not a glutton for punishment in knowing that there was a leak in the wall/ window and put laminate anyway – Little Man has allergies to dust and the carpet was not helping out at all) the laminate was damaged. Now I am fighting with the damn association to replace the damaged laminate because it is their damn fault for not taking care of the matter 6 years ago!!!!! Their answer? We don’t have the money – we only have the money to manage the lawn and the club house. HUH?!?!? We pay over $400/ month and there is no money?!?!?! Oh wait….I forgot….the previous management company swindled the money and now the new management company does not know how to create a budget and there are no reserves so yeah, guess what the necessary repairs are going to mean? A special assessment on top of the $400+ we pay monthly and that won;t be for another year!!!! Needless to say, we are not happy about this and neither is my MIL. I wonder how fast they will act when they get the letter from her attorney? Hmmm…

Oh and to top it all off, Monday is my hubs birthday. The big 30!!! He still denies it and says he is 29. I swear – he is such a baby. I have no problem with my age. Probably because it will be another 4 years before I hit the big 30 – but I actually look forward to it. Now the question is what do I get him? I mean the guy is so hard to shop for because he is so casual about everything that nothing surprises him or wows him….KWIM? I was thinking midget stripper but that wouldn’t be a good surprise when he is home with the kids. Maybe when he is working for his 40th b-day? I dunno maybe I will just wrap myself in colored saran wrap and call it a day…

Gotta go now but I will leave you with this cute commercial I just saw today…..

Are these babies cute or freaky? You be the judges….HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!

Quick update:

* Got a job

* Got rid of English Bull Dog (you can see her updates on under Dogs on Hold) She was biting me too much and bit Tiny Dancer 

* Still trying to get Angel Eyes into private school – have meeting today

* Little Man does not have an apendicitis, just really really constipated

* Princess might have a hairline fracture on hand, going into hospital today to check

* Tiny Dancer diagnosed with trunk-hypotonia. PT increased to 2x/ week

* Sneaky Monkey and Angel Eyes did not go to ESY this year. Too far and bad neighborhood.

* Starting my masters in Special Ed next month

* Baby Boy is talking up a storm!! You should hear him say Thank You. Sounds like Thik You – SOOO cute!

* Trying to get back to my bloggin but very hard, alot going on. Don’t know when I will be back but please know I am always thinking of you guys.

Well, gotta get back to work. HUGS!!!!!!

{June 23, 2009}   Dogs, Dogs, and More Dogs!!

Well, you all know that we have Steve the Wonder Pup (Princess’s Chihuahua) and Bella the monster pooch (My English Bull Dog) but now there is a possible addition. You see, Little Man wants his own pet – his own responsibility and of course, Daddy is more than willing to oblige – but at whose expense?

One of the dogs will most likely be going.

Yeap, that’s right.

You see, Steve is not so much of a wonder pup because he is still not wanting to eat. I have given him a buffet that could send your typical pooch into a binge eating frenzy. I mean we have done everything that could possibly be imagined to get that animal to eat but still nothing. So for now the vet is running a stool sample culture to see if he has any parasites causing the dwindle in appetite loss.

As far as Bella goes – she is a chewing biting machine! We got a trainer with a lifetime warranty on the training and so far she is still using my arm as a chew toy. We cannot even have the kids out to play with her because she will jump up on them and bite them. We are having the trainer back out here to try new methods.

With all honesty, these 2 things can be remedied and worked on so do I believe that there will be onw less dog in the house? NOPE!!! Do I believe that there will be a new dog in the house? YES!!!!

Do I believe that Little Man will be the one responsible for the animal? SORT-OF

Now I really need to find a job because I am going to need to stock up on the chocolate and pain killers because I know the headaches will be all my own!!!

{June 20, 2009}   2

One Year Ago Today

There was something about Anthony that called to her. He made her feel things that she never thought possible. Was it love? Was it lust? Whatever it was, Terri tasted it and wanted more.

Because of him she was doing something she never thought she would. Her status of the good girl next door who did nothing wrong was creeping away from her just as slowly as she crept away from her home. But it was him who made it possible. It was him who saw how much she wanted to be with Anthony and let her out the door. He made sure that she was free from getting caught and that her mother did not notice she was leaving the house way past her bedtime.

As she heard the rumble of Anthony’s car roll closer to her, she looked back at her house and saw him standing there, like a watchful wolf making sure she left. ‘

“I can’t believe he would let you sneak out! He is still standing there making sure I picked you up. Now that is a cool step-dad.” Anthony told her as he leaned in to give her a welcoming kiss.

“Yeah, I guess.”  Terri replied as she closed the door to his car. Shutting that door felt like shutting out the world that she did not want to realize was true. She had her suspicions and thoughts about him but no proof. All she knew was that he was too accommodating to her wants, even if they went against the rules of her mom.

Terri just wanted to get away, to escape from it all, not to be Terri anymore – to be someone else, somewhere else. Anthony was her escape from reality, if only for that one night, if only for now.

In a few hours, reality will set in and she will have to be Terri again and be part of that life and that world. But for now, she will be in the safety of Anthony’s arms and away from what haunts her.

She looked back one more time to see if it was real, if it was all happening and he was gone. He escaped into the darkness of the shadows of the house.

“What’s wrong babe?” Anthony asked.

“Nothing, babe, nothing. Let’s just go.” Terri took his arm off the arm rest and held tight to his hand. Already she wished the night wouldn’t end, that she no longer had to feel that worry again. She would have to settle for tonight, for now.

et cetera