Mommy’s Escape 6.0

{February 10, 2009}   The Randomness that is Tuesday


If these freaking board members do stop not coming into my office I think I am going to scream at them and tell them how I really think that they are a bunch of moronic imbeciles that waste way too much time on trying to govern a community when many of them do not even know how to clean their own faces after they eat! They are better off taking a little bus and going to the local adult day care and sit there for 8 hours while I actually try and reconcile some accounts that they fucked up when they decided they were smart enough to self-manage the property 3 years ago!

When I get home, I am going to call my father-in-law and scream down his neck because he gave me the wrong fucking measurements for the bedroom sizes and when the flooring installers got to the house today, they wanted to charge me an additional $100 because the space is bigger than the measurements I gave them.

Oh yeah, and Joe, not you Joe, the other Joe, you know, your cousin – yeah you – you are another fucking rude bastard. I am spending way more than I wanted to because I know your cousin and he was always good to me. I didn’t need your freaking attitude when I spoke to you. Honestly, would you pay $550 to install laminate flooring on 2 small bedrooms? I doubt it!

This damn dog will not eat!!! I swear to everything that is Holy and resides on Mount Olympus that if he does not eat, I am going to pull my hairs out of my head. Yeah, and drinking water – he better start doing that shit too because he hasn’t drunk water in 2 days but yet he pees like he has never peed before.

How the hell do you train an animal to drink? Seriously, he won’t drink out of the bottle that is in the crate or a bowl next to his food whenever he decides to eat. I’m not about to be feeding this animal solely on supplements!!!

Little Man, why didn’t you tell me that you had an extra row of teeth growing in your mouth? I know that it probably feels cool and I should have noticed when your lisp seemed to fade away but dude – you look like a freaking shark!!! Oh yeah, by the way, you’re going to the dentist on Thursday to have them milk teeth pulled out. So how do you like them apples huh?

Can you believe it that my sweet and innocent little Angel Eyes threw a freaking Thomas the Tank Engine train at my head while I was getting him dressed? Do you know how much that hurts?

You wouldn’t believe how many words my children are learning in mandarin!! Yeah, thanks Ni’Hao Kai Lan!!! Dora didn’t do the trick to teach them Spanish but this big-headed no form of a body little girl is teaching them mandarin. Where in the hell are they going to speak Mandarin? What language is Mandarin anyways? (Yeah, I am so totally showing my stupidity right now)

If I had my way, right now I would be at a day spa getting my hands and feet done. My hair getting all fixed and purty so I  don’t look like I am walking with a dry bird’s nest on my head. But alas, I am here, at work, dealing with old people who have not changed their diapers waiting for 5 o’clock to come around.

Oh wait…..I get out at 7pm today!!! Fuck me!!!

Wanna see more random shit? Go to the UnMom – she is hosting this little shindig. Yeah, she is just that cool.


captaindumbass says:

I think you may need some time at the spa. Soon.

spriteskeeper says:

Gurl, you are ANGRY today! And for some reason, I imagine a bunch of old people with walkers banging on your door..
Deep breaths!

Lori says:

Okay, take a big deep breathe…it does sound like you need a day or two or three at the spa…good lord, I could use it too…that and some good wine and some peace and quiet. Hope the rest of your day goes by quickly!

Sorry you’re having such a suckish day. I think Mandarin is Chinese. I always get crap from family because my kids are not fluent in Spanish, Dora and Diego have so not helped them. Go to the spa for all of us unkempt moms.

Keely says:

I knew that chihuahua was going to put you over the edge. That’s what happens when you purchase a RAT instead of a puppy!

And an extra row of teeth! I didn’t even know they could get those!!

halfasgoodasyou says:

I dig the fucking swearing today. You know me, that’s my style. I got kicked in the head today by my tantrum-throwing kid, don’t worry. The dog will drink when he gets thirsty…

goodmum says:

An extra row of teeth, huh? Wow. That’s an awesome party trick!

colepack says:

Dude, let it all out chicky! Scream and yell. Those old folks will not notice.

I need myself a spa appointment too. I’m looking forward for spring so I have a reason to show off my new tootsies. You should know that The Captain got kicked out of my spa. I won’t say why, but it involved fruit, a box of matches and a mini fridge.

Stacy says:

Sorry you had such a crappy day – sounds like a Spa treatment is what the doctor ordered! 😉

You’re even adorable when you say the word “fuck”.

Khadra says:

sorry about your crappy luck lately 😦

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