Mommy’s Escape 6.0

{November 28, 2008}   I will survive (but will they?)

I love my middle sons, I really do!!

This is something I continuously tell myself in order to avoid mental breakdowns that will leave me flapping my lips and my hairs springing out all over the place.

Why do I say this you may ask?

Well, what happened on Wednesday night is the reason why.

You see, after much needed Hubby and wife alone time, and I mean very much needed!! (I wasn’t about to begin resulting to other methods just yet) Hubby and I walked out of our room and noticed a very foul and stomach-turning odor.

We sniffed the air to follow where it came from.

It wasn’t the garbage in the kitchen which had table scraps in it and the remnants of 3 week old leftovers that remained in the fridge (yeah, when tupperware enters my fridge it is there for good or at least until I need to make space for the new leftovers but by then it is just a stink fest and I throw out the whole tupper ware bowl, food and all). I checked the laundry closet because Angel Eyes’s book bag came home with all kinds of T-day crafts and treats, including a stinky Publix bag of soiled clothes that his teacher washed off but I had to rewash and dry. She tried, honestly she did.

Where was I?

Oh yeah….no stink in there but within seconds I heard a scream louder than the Incredible Hulk’s yells coming from my husband who was in the hall way in front of Sneaky Monkey & Angel Eye’s bedroom.

I knew what it was without asking.

Something we had thought had gone away months ago and had been in the clear of. Something that sends shivers up anyone’s spine and a look like “What in heaven almighty could cause a child to do this?”

Yeah, it was the nasty. Poop!!! (What a way to end “quality time” I swear!)

Not just any kind of poop you see, it is that kind that is generated by a 4 year old who does not eat anything that firms up the stomach, only stage 3 baby foods because his oral sensory issues are so severe that he cannot tolerate most textures. That poop that is the pastiest of paste and has the most rotten of smells and when placed on walls stains them to a nice shade of orange no matter how much bleach you use.

Yes, it was everywhere and this time I really mean everywhere!! The walls, the floor, the door, the BOYS!! And to make it worse – the mattress that did not have any fitted sheet on it because the boys were so into being McGuyver that they found a way to remove it and bundle it up in the corner of the room to house their trains.

And it wasn’t like it was just on the surface that could have easily been wiped off and Febreezed to smell good. No way, that would be too easy!!

It was dug in to the core of the mattress, reaching the inner foam even! The carpet, hah! it wasn’t carpet anymore – it was dug through the roots and stitching. I am amazed it didn’t seep all the way through the carpet. Sneaky Monkey wanted to make sure that the memory of his brother’s illustrious bowel contribution to the room remained for years to come! (Yeah, he touched the nasty fecal matter that came out of his brother’s rear end, I am not even going to tell you what else he did with it, all I will say is that it involved a very thorough scrubbing with a wash cloth and a brand new toothbrush had to be thrown away, yeah so is my life!)

Well, Hubby attempted to do his best to maneuver through the room and placed the two stinkies in the shower while I gathered the once-thought-to-have-been-retired poop cleaning tools, lit a candle in prayer and went to work.

Needless to say, the mattress couldn’t be saved. It had breathed it’s last breath and it was a stinky one!

Where would the kids sleep you ask?

Well as you can recall me saying that my kids are spoiled – well, there was another full sized bed in the room that was spared the poopgonewild fiasco so we moved it from it’s location, platform and all, and placed it in the location of the aforementioned bed that was severely destroyed.

This little maneuver required alot of moving and vacuuming and grunting and fussing by my husband. Poor guy!

The damaged goods were cleaned up as best as possible and rested along the wall because it was too late to go throw them out (yeah, it was about 9:30pm when all this was done with).

The boys were dressed and thrown tucked into bed for a restful nights sleep.

The next morning as we began to clean up the house for the impending doom that isexpected company, I opened the door to their room and lo-and-behold, there was cardboard all over the floor! Not just any cardboard, the cardboard from the box spring that was also placed against the wall because it too was damaged by the poop. And the cardboard was in overall abundance and to make it worse, covered in slobber!! Darn kid cannot tolerate texture in his mouth but cardboard, drywall, and seat belts are just fine right?

Oh and to add insult to injury, Sneaky Monkey decided it was time to take off his own diaper and tore it off of himself and the wonderful diaper stuffing was EVERYWHERE!!!  and if any of you have had the joy of dealing with a busted diaper know that the crap that is inside a diaper (I mean the stuffing, not the actual crap) when it is wet is as sticky as gorilla glue and wet and nasty and sticks to carpet and you cannot get it out – not even a Dyson or a miele  will do the trick!

So again, another cleaning frenzy was ensued and all they could do was laugh and giggle and say “Hello Mommy!”

Oh man what would I give for a time machine to have been able to fast forward through the day!

But in the end, it all turned out okay but the question that lies in the back of my mind…

for how long?


NO! I cannot imagine the horror of it all! Poor you!! Poor hubby!! So sorry for the mess, glad you got it all cleaned up!!

Hey look! I’m not a crabby green guy anymore! Now I’m a dust bunny! (that’s just a small step away from a Playboy bunny, I’m pretty sure….)

Stalker! Go sell some appliances or something! Kidding. x

Krystal says:

Heather – so toally a step awy from Playboy Bunny!! i’m waiting on my call back from Hugh – you know – for that moms of 2 or more edition. That will be a best seller!

Captain – Oh shush! You know you like it when I stalk you. Heck, it beats hiding in your walls. Atleast this way you know where I am.

halfasgoodasyou says:

Oh Krystal, that’s terrible. I have no other words, just gross…. poop everywhere! Sorry the poopfest reappeared after all this time..

Sorry, I read HP’s comment and my mind just went to “Poor Poo!” (But like Christopher Robin talking about Pooh Bear. Not poor excrement.) (Did you know I’m tired right now? Nothing I write should be taken literally. In fact, that should include all of this weekend’s posts…)

kirsty815 says:

OMG see what happens when you have alone I want to laugh and cry for you all at the same time. Don’t envy the poop but have definitely had to deal with destroyed diapers, gotta love the dog!

Hope poop-a-looza doesn’t resurface for a long long time or for that matter ever.

TOP 10!!!

Oh, poop. No fun. No fun at all.

I also hope poop-a-palooza doesn’t come back. Ever.

Ron says:

yep .. kids can do the wildest thing with poop .. and lets not forget projectile vomitting ..

my oldest (now 28) sat in the middle of the bed. puking, and not getting drop on the bed ,, the walls were not so lucky

and you just keep telling yourself .. It will be worth it all some day .. and it will

Heinous says:

Wow, just wow. Hopefully, this will never, ever happen again.

Well, you certainly topped my story about my husband spitting and the dog…well, you know.

You are a saint and need to have a shrine erected somewhere in your honor. I totally could not have gotten through that!

goodmum says:

Ok, you have a gazillion kids and you STILL find time (and energy???!!!) for “alone time?” Wow. I bow down to you, lady… 🙂 You must be POOPED.

Krystal says:

Casey – me too!

Jen – you’re forgiven. I hope you slept it off.

Kirsty – thank God I’m not alone!

Goodfather – from your “mouth” to God’s ears

Ron – oooh, projectile vomiting – ugh!! I haven’t had to deal with hta for a while now!! I shudder at the horrific memories. And yeah, it is worth it.

Heinous – I hope so too but I won’t hold my breath.

Mary Anne – Thanks but no saint here, trust me!! I am anything but a saint. I would like a shrine though, they are just so perty!

Kia – HA HA Funny! 🙂 Heck, I need some alone time; like I said, I don’t do artificial “alone” time

Khadra says:

Oh I feel for you. We have had similar incidents here.
And yeah, how come my daughter who cant stand a whole bunch of textures and turns her nose up at all sorts of foods doesnt mind licking the grocery cart, or worse…a toilet seat? Makes no sense at all.

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