Mommy’s Escape 6.0

{November 19, 2008}   Hearing things

As I sit in my room watching my newest little angel sleep, I hear scraping noises on the walls. Of course since Captain recently had a failed attempt at teleporting, I think that he has trapped himself in my walls accidentally.

I call out  “Captain, are you having a hard time with the teleport again?”

I await a response


I ask again into the air “Captain, are you stuck?”


I guess he wasn’t attempting teleportation again this time. Supreme Leader must have rung his neck for that high electrical bill from his last attempt to teleport to my house and most likely to the Steenky’s after his failed attempt.

But that scraping sound conitnues!!!

I decide to get off my already-expanding-from-all-the-chocolate-cookies-ass and look around.

I check the usual suspect, Angel Eyes. He is always finding new and improved ways to peel paint off of drywall. I swear between this child and Sneaky Monkey, they could start a very successful demolition business!

Nope, he is graciously jumping from couch to couch, nearly missing the ottoman within centimeters of his life! (This child is going to end up with a broken limb someday soon, I just know it!)

I continue to hear “Scrape, scrape, scrape”

I walk to the kitchen to make sure the ice-maker isn’t on the fritz again.

Nope, a fresh batch of ice has just fallen and is quickly scooped up by Hubby to fill his Pirates of the Caribbean beer mug with the ever toxic but oh so sinfully delicious Coca Cola.

“Scrape, scrape, scrape”


I run into the middle of my living room and scream to the Heavens a-la Jennifer Love Hewitt in I Know What You Did Last Summer, “What the hell is that sound? Who is trying to drive me insane? Somebody answer me!”

I quickly hear a response from behind me

“Scrape, scrape, scrape”

I turn around and what do I see?

My turtle clawing her way through the tiniest opening behind the heater, unfortunately getting herself so stuck and in the most awkward position causing her little nails to SCRAPE at the ornamental grass which in turn is scraping against the glass.

I swear, this acute mommy hearing sense is not all it is cut out to be!!!

Princess:  muffled sounds come out of her mouth

Me: “What did you say?”

Princess: “Mommy, can you get me some pan & mayonnaise?”

Me: Sure – right after mommy cleans out her ears, I couldn’t hear a word you just said!


halfasgoodasyou says:

Ha, I thought you had another ghost. Glad it wasn’t the Captain, that dude will really clean out your fridge and drive up your grocery bill.

spriteskeeper says:

So, is your turtle free-range?

What is she going to do with the pan and the Mayonnaise? I need to know! She’s not going to eat the turtle is she? I would suggest a milder condiment.

goodmum says:

Ack. If only we could truly tune our kids out, huh? 😉

Captain teleported his WHOLE FAMILY here (that was the blackout last week in Canada), and spent all weekend ordering me to swab my own deck. With a swab!!

Miss Jack says:

I had a very similar experience at my job the other day – only it wasn’t a turtle. It was a singing Christmas card that kept playing over and over and over again. I finally found it and I smashed the hell out of it. It didn’t seem to bother anyone else, just me and my finely-tuned mommy hearing.

Krystal says:

Casey – I know! When I woke up after his failed attempt, I noticed my fridge was wiped out! Failed attempt my arse! He raided the fridge first then tried to spook me! I bet he thought I was going to blame the kids for it.

Jen – no, she is not free range, she is in a tank with her mate “the big guy”. She just likes to crawl into the weirdest of places. So much so that she has scratched her shell so many times! But she is too cute so she was forgiven.

Jenbo – LOL!!!! I guess I should have put the translation; pan = bread in spanish. She likes to eat bread with mayonnaise – don’t ask, I too prefer a much milder condiment but for Turtles, those are off the menu for us, much like frog’s legs and chicken gizzards – YUCK!

Krystal says:

Kia – from your tyoed words to God’s ears!

Goodfather – Good Lord! the whole crew? I swear he has some nerve! I hear that the swabs can really dig into those cracks. Oh, you missed a spot! Right there by the tree in the corner.

Miss Jack – those darned Holiday cards can be so annoying! I hate how they just try and spread all that good cheer with songs of joy. Who do they think they are kidding?

Lisa says:

Glad to have found you again. I forgot you moved so I was totally at a loss.

Funny post and glad you found the culprit. But it is weird how you can hear one thing and not understand someone speaking right at you. I have this all time, myself.

Sorry, I teleported into your wall. I couldn’t answer with all the dry wall stuck in my mouth.

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